Kiss Away the Scars
by o.wolfgirl.o
Summary: Marauder Era - fifth year - RemusxLily - short story. What if Remus and Lily had a secret relationship no one else knew about?
1. Chapter 1

Whew. I'm new at posting on this site so sorry for this changing twice in the first 10 minutes posted!

All comments are welcome, especially constructive criticism!! :)

peace&love, Kas

(A/N: the two characters that you see later on in the story, Mary & Brice, are the creation of Marauding Mara. Definitely check out her fic My Everlasting Love! It's wonderful!)

**Kiss Away the Scars**

"Remus?"

"Hm?"

"How come you never talk to me anymore?"

"I talk to you."

"About school work."

"Yeah?"

The redhead sighed.

"You're doing it again," she said sounding slightly frustrated.

He, on the other hand just sounded weary as he asked, "Doing what?"

"Not talking to me."

"Oh. I was under the impression that that was what a conversation consisted of."

The comment might have sounded sarcastic or even cheeky if it had come from James, but the dull tone in which Remus had said it just made Lily frown.

"That's not what I mean," Lily answered quietly.

"Then what do you mean," Remus asked. His doleful manner almost caused Lily to stop and ask what was really wrong, but then she plunged onward.

"I mean that you used to talk to me about important things. You used to tell me about classes and the Marauders and who you fancied and I used to tell you the same."

"You used to tell me about the Marauders?"

"Remus," Lily said sternly, strongly reminding him of his mother.

Remus was silent for a minute before he looked up at Lily.

"I can't tell you those things," he said softly.

"Why not?" she asked sounding hurt.

Remus looked away.

"It's too complicated," he answered after a minute.

"Try me," she replied in quiet defiance.

"Lil, no," he said desperately, but when he saw the look in her eyes he couldn't help it. He caved.

"Let's go for a walk," he suggested.

Lily nodded and they silently made their way down to the lake. Remus broke the silence first.

"Lily, if I tell you this, you have to swear to me never to tell anyone."

"Of course," she whispered looking into his golden eyes.

"I'm actually surprised you haven't figured it out by now… I thought for sure you would have by at least third year."

Lily didn't say anything as she waited to hear more.

"Every month I disappear as I'm sure you've noticed, and it's not to visit my ill mother." He paused. "My mother's dead."

"I'm sorry," Lily whispered.

"It's okay," Remus replied just as quietly.

"So have you figured it out yet, Lily, smartest witch in our year?" Remus seemed desperate to not have to say it.

And Lily, who had guessed, wanted just as little to say it.

Remus was perceptive, however; he saw it in her eyes.

"You're right. I'm a werewolf."

Lily sat there speechless. He had been right, she'd guessed back in third year, but she'd never let herself believe it.

"Oh, Remus, I'm so sorry," she whispered.

He looked over at her. Was she not afraid? Did she not feel disgusted to sit by him? Not sure what to say Remus looked away over the lake.

Then he felt a small soft finger come to rest on his cheek making it tingle. Then slowly, gently the finger traced a long thing scar that traveled from just under his right eye along the side of his face and curved in below his lips.

"Is this from…?" she whispered tentatively.

He nodded still unable to look at her.

Lily sat there looking at her best friend's scarred face knowing he was a werewolf. She knew most of her friends would be terrified or disgusted by the knowledge but she was Muggleborn and she hadn't been raised with the prejudice of others. Instead she felt an overwhelming sense of pity for the boy who sat beside her and she yearned for a way of making it all go away.

_She's terrified_ Remus thought. _She doesn't know what to say and she's too damn polite to just up and run._

Lily grew more frustrated with herself as she continued to try and come up with some way of making things all better. Then suddenly her mother's voice rang through her head piping a saying that had ruled Lily's childhood, "kiss it and make it better."

Lily almost laughed out loud then, but suddenly an overwhelming desire to do just that came over her and before she could think about it she leaned forward and kissed his cheek right where the scar was.

Remus flinched.

"Don't," she whispered softly as her small hand gently pulled his face around to face her.

She looked into his sad hazel eyes for just a minute before she completely lost the ability to think and she leaned forward.

When she was close enough that Remus could see the golden freckles in her brilliant green eyes he had to fight every instinct in his body to not jerk away.

Fear welled up inside him as the realization hit him of what was about to happen. Then suddenly a thought flashed into Remus' head that literally made him close his eyes in anguish.

And then her soft lips met his and he couldn't think anymore.

A moment later she pulled away and sat watching him for a moment. He sincerely hoped that she couldn't see the inner battle that was taking place inside him because he knew she would misinterpret it.

She looked back out over the lake then and said nothing. Instead, a moment later, Remus felt her slip her small hand inside of his.

He bit his lip to keep from flinching again as he tried to keep the internal battle from raging. The girl of his dreams had just kissed him and all he could think about was James.

James would kill him; murder him on the spot, if he ever found out. Just one more secret for him to keep, Remus thought, as a hint of bitterness seeped into his thoughts. James would probably never forgive him either—And then all ability for thought stopped once more and this time he returned the kiss.

She pulled away slowly, gently, just enough to move her lips aside to kiss the scar she had traced just moments ago. As she did so she found herself wishing desperately that someway, somehow she could kiss away the scars, both external and internal that seemed to haunt Remus. Then maybe he wouldn't flinch so when she touched him, she thought as her lips slowly found another scar just by his temple, and her heart found another, that ached constantly on his.


	2. Chapter 2

hey everyone!  
here's the next bit!  
thanks for the comments! :)  
peace&love, Kas

The secret smiles they exchanged at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall and the sideways glances that met during their classes were far more telling to the pair than any words could have been in the days following their night by the lake.

But because Remus was Remus and Lily was Lily, the words didn't come immediately either.

All week Lily tried to find the opportunity to speak to Remus alone but each time another Marauder or one of her own friends would unintentionally, or perhaps intentionally on James's part, intervene.

It was three long days of stares caught and soft blushes later when Remus and Lily were assigned to patrol the corridors together.

"Gotta go patrol," Remus said jumping up eagerly and tossing his book onto his bag where it sat on the floor beside him.

"Moony, it's barely a quarter of ten. You don't have to be there for fifteen minutes," James stated.

Remus blushed, but he grabbed his bag, and turned towards the stairs to hide it. "Yeah, well, you know Lily, she hates when people are late," he called over his shoulder as he sprinted up to the dorm. Dropping his bag onto his bed he was back down the stairs in a matter of seconds.

Sirius was lounging with his feet propped up on the table where James and Peter were working.

"Whoa, mate," he said with a slow grin as Remus flew off the stairs towards them. "Don't see why you're rushing for Evans," he said. "I could see maybe if it was Prongsie here, trying to impress her…" He trailed off as Remus continued past their table without a word.

"It's just Evans," he yelled after Remus exasperatedly.

Remus heard the crash following that remark just as he was shutting the portrait hole door and he knew without glancing back that James had just kicked the chair out from under Sirius causing his best mate to topple to the ground gracelessly.

Grinning at the thought he skidded to a halt at the end of the corridor. Served him right for talking like that about… "Lily!"

"Hey Remus," she said breathlessly, swiping hair off her suspiciously pink cheeks as she did so.

"Ready to go?" he asked feeling suddenly strangely nervous.

"Um, yeah, sure… well, um, technically we're not on duty for another ten minutes so if you want to just go for a walk…" she suggested, ignoring the fact that all they did to patrol was walk anyway.

"Sounds great!" Remus replied enthusiastically and Lily glanced sideways at him with her lips curving into a smile.

"You look happy," she said softly as they walked.

"Well, I haven't got a reason not to be, have I?"

Still smiling she replied, "No, I suppose not."

"Are you happy, Lily?" he asked earnestly.

The redhead laughed. "I haven't got a reason not to be."

She winked at him and he smiled, his cheeks glowing a faint pink.

Over the next couple of hours they patrolled the corridors, talking and laughing the whole time. Remus kept randomly losing the thread of the conversation but Lily played it off easily, laughing when it happened and gently reminding him of what they'd been talking about.

This happened again just as they were returning to Gryffindor Tower and Lily let out her tinkling laugh once more.

"Remus, where has your head been tonight?" she asked him, her tone amused.

He shrugged and sent her a half smile before looking to the ground.

"Remus," her soft voice sounded like an angel to his ears and her small hand closed on his wrist sending shivers down his spine.

"Yes?" he asked quietly as he turned to face her.

"Are you mad at me?" she asked curiously causing his jaw to drop as he stared at her incredulously.

"Are-are you serious?"

Lily shifted, suddenly looking uncomfortable. "Well, you've just not been acting like you wanted to talk to me much and you won't look at me when you talk…"

"Lily, that's so not it," he said feeling suddenly like floating up into the sky.

He breathed out as he cupped her chin in his hand bringing her emerald eyes up to his.

"I'm not mad at you," he said with a gentle smile.

"Then what's the matter?" she asked.

"I, um," his hand dropped from her face as he looked away.

She waited a beat before opening her mouth to speak. "If it's about the other night…"

"It is about the other night, but if you were about to apologize save your breath."

Lily frowned up at him, but said nothing at the confused look on his face.

"Remus," she spoke his name quietly, bringing him back to the present.

"Lily, I like you a lot," he realized how childish it sounded even as he said it but he could think of nothing else to say.

"I like you, too, Remus," she replied uncertainly.

"No, I mean, I really like you."

Lily looked up at him, hardly daring to believe what she was hearing.

Then suddenly a mischievous light brightened her green eyes as a smirk came to her lips.

"Prove it."

"Wha?" he looked bewildered for a moment as he looked down into the challenge of her eyes.

"Fine," he muttered and he pulled her close, kissing her tenderly.

When he stepped back he noticed she was smiling and he looked at her suspiciously.

"Was that some sort of test?" he muttered feeling strangely like he'd just been tricked.

Lily laughed. "No, I just wanted to see what you would do," she said and she closed the gap between them once more.

Looking up into his eyes she smiled. "Remus?"

"Yeah?"

"I really like you, too."


	3. Chapter 3

As always, I love to hear what you guys think.  
peace&love, Kas

**xxx **

Lily sat beside her friends at the Gryffindor table the next morning practically glowing as she helped herself to some toast.

"Lil, what's gotten into you?" Mary asked.

Lily shrugged. "I don't know what you're talking about," she replied airily though she knew exactly what her best friend was referring to.

Mary exchanged glances with their other friend, Brice. Lily had come back into the dormitory practically floating the night before.

"Lily, you've been like this ever since you came back from patrolling last night," Brice commented, and Lily winced internally. Brice, the ever-observant one.

Keeping her face a picture of innocence Lily shrugged again. "No clue what you're talking about."

Brice and Mary exchanged another set of looks but Lily ignored them as she concentrated on buttering her toast.

How had Remus convinced her to keep this a secret?! The first thing she had wanted to do was to brag to her best friends that she was going out with the sweetest boy in their year, but instead she had to lie to them and pretend nothing was wrong. Lily had half-bought Remus's arguments for why they shouldn't tell anyone, but it wasn't until she saw the distress in his eyes when he mentioned James that she agreed. She certainly did not need to be the reason the Marauders got in a fight.

Just then someone slid into the bench beside her and she glanced up thoughtlessly.

"Hey, Remus," she said before it hit her and she nearly dropped her toast.

And here he was sitting next to her at the breakfast table…

"Oh, hey, Lily," Remus replied hardly glancing at her.

She breathed out a sigh of relief, though throughout breakfast she couldn't help but keep watching him from the corner of her eye.

His elbow brushed hers at one point and their eyes finally met as he apologized.

"I'm so sorry, Lily."

"It's okay, really, don't worry about it," she replied smiling at him.

He swallowed hard and managed to smile back quickly before turning to gulp orange juice to wash down the large bite of toast he'd just about choked on.

Mary and Brice had silently agreed to let the subject alone until they were walking on either side of Lily to their first class.

"Remus seemed a bit odd this morning," Brice stated casually.

"Did he?" Lily replied, hoping her voice only sounded higher than normal to her own ears.

Mary nodded. "I'd say so."

"Huh, wonder why," Lily said, trying to keep her voice casual.

"Me, too," Brice mused, watching Lily intently. Her redheaded friend seemed to merely be wondering as they walked up to the greenhouse for Herbology and so she dismissed the morning's incidents to the back of her mind.

Mary, however, continued to study her best friend all the way up until the arrival of four certain boys distracted her.

"How's it going, Woods?" Black called casually, causing the entire class to turn and look at Mary who blushed furiously.

"Well, it was going good until you showed up," Mary called back causing Brice to grin and several others of their classmates to snicker.

Sirius just grinned at her, not even blushing at the obvious blow to his ego, and Mary stared intently away.

Remus took his seat between James and Peter mentally reminding himself to thank Sirius later.

The commotion Sirius had caused upon entering the room had allowed Remus and Lily the opportunity to exchange smiles and soft "heys" before they'd both blushingly looked away.

It was three nights later that Remus sat up working on his Defense Against the Dark Arts essay.

James stretched and glanced over at Remus's essay.

"Moony you've been working on that same thing for ages."

Remus shrugged without looking at him.

"I guess I just have trouble with this subject."

"No, you don't. Defense is your best subject."

"I meant that the paper is on," Remus mumbled.

James shrugged as he stood up. "Well I'm going to bed."

Remus nodded still apparently focused intently on his paper. James grabbed his bag and headed upstairs and Remus sighed in relief. He leaned back in his chair not paying a bit of attention to the essay he'd completed the day before and now sat in front of him completely marked up. He hoped James didn't suspect him… it had been much easier to convince Sirius and Peter to go to bed than James who'd stayed up working on his own essay.

Tapping the parchment absently with his wand it returned to its completed state just as he heard gentle footsteps on the stairs behind him.

He turned and saw Lily stepping off the bottom stair and he immediately smiled, all thoughts about James and his essay forgotten.

"Hey," she said softly, her voice carrying quietly across the common room.

"Hey," he replied as he stood up.

She was in his arms almost before he could think about it and he hugged her back, smiling into her hair.

He took her hand and led her over to the couch where he sat down pulling her down gently beside him.

He could feel his heart beating wildly, but his arm fit around her shoulders nicely and he liked the way she put her head on his shoulder and curled her legs up onto the couch beside her.

They talked softly about the classes they'd had that day and he was surprised when Lily laughed about the incident in Potions.

"I know Peter didn't mean to even if James and Sirius knew what he was doing," she murmured when Remus asked her why she'd scolded them when it had happened.

"You're right about that… Peter didn't have a clue," he told her quietly as he thought back to how Peter had eagerly listened when James and Sirius had told him it would fix Mary Woods' potion if he added a handful of lacewings to it.

Peter, always willing to help, had happily done so when Mary turned her back to miserably ask Lily a question about what she'd done wrong.

The resulting explosion hadn't done any more damage than sprinkle the class with a coating of fine purple powder and land all the Marauders a detention.

"I still don't think it's fair Slughorn punished all of you," Lily murmured sleepily.

Remus shrugged one shoulder, trying not to disturb Lily's head resting on the other.

"It's okay. He knew Peter had done it but that Peter wouldn't do anything without, eh, inspiration. And besides, his detentions are never bad."

"I could have a word with him for you though," Lily mumbled and Remus could tell she was getting sleepier.

"No, don't worry about it," he whispered.

When she didn't reply he knew she'd fallen asleep and he smiled at the thought.

Lily Evans was asleep in his arms…

He lay his head gently on hers and within minutes had drifted off himself.

When Remus woke up the first thing he noticed was that the room had gone chilly as the fire died down to embers.

Immediately he panicked realizing anyone could have come downstairs and seen them together like this. Anyone. Sirius… Peter… Mary… Brice… James… any other student… Brice… James… could have seen them… he wondered momentarily why it would bother him so much if Brice saw him with Lily, but he dismissed the thought as he gently woke Lily up.

"Did I fall asleep?" she murmured.

"Yes," he replied and she blinked her eyes open at the tenseness in his voice.

"What's wrong?" she asked, her voice still rough with sleep.

"Nothing, it's just, anyone could have seen us…" he trailed off.

Lily's insides squirmed. That would not be the way she would choose to let any of her friends know about her relationship with Remus.

"Well, there's nothing we can do about it now," she said reasonably though the squeamish feeling of nervousness didn't subside.

"Sorry," he whispered.

"It's not your fault," she murmured back as she met his golden eyes with hers.

Leaning forward she caught him in a kiss that took his breath away.

"Good night," she whispered as she pulled away.

"Night, Lily," he replied softly staring at her as she walked across the common room and retreated up the dormitory stairs.

Seconds later he returned to his own dormitory and quickly and quietly climbed into bed.


	4. Chapter 4

next part is up! if you read, please review so i know what you think!

peace&love, Kas

**xxx**

"C'mon, Lily, get up!" Mary called for the third time as she fixed her hair.

Groaning Lily rolled herself out of bed and began to dress.

The girls were quiet until they were heading down the stairs towards the common room and Lily rubbed sleepily at her eyes.

"Late night?" Brice asked with raised eyebrows.

Lily glanced at her. "I guess."

Her insides squirmed as she hoped against hope that Brice's tone was simply coincidence and she didn't really know anything.

Her nerves grew more and more knotted in her stomach as they walked in a strained silence down to the Great Hall and it was with a strange sense of relief that Lily spotted the Marauders already seated at the table eating breakfast.

"Hey, Evans!" James called.

"What, Potter?" she replied trying to keep from glancing at Remus.

"How 'bout you go out with me?" he asked with a cheeky grin.

"How 'bout not," she replied and this time her eyes really did stray to her boyfriend.

He was looking down at his plate with a miserable look on his face and she paused, startled.

Was it what James had just said? she wondered.

Mary had slid into the bench beside Peter and so Lily and Brice seated themselves beside her, finding themselves directly across from James and Sirius.

James, it appeared, was in an excellent mood that morning and was not about to let Lily off easily.

"Why not, Evans?"

"Because I don't want to, Potter," she replied irritably.

"But see, that's what I don't get," James said staring at her.

"I wouldn't expect you to understand you selfish—"

"Lily, it's not worth it," Remus cut in causing Lily to look up at him abruptly.

James grinned at Remus clearly thinking Remus had just saved him from a long list of insults.

"Thanks, Moony," he said before turning back to Lily.

Lily, whose eyes had stayed focused on Remus's face as he continued to stare downward at his plate, stood up abruptly.

"I'll see you lot in Charms," she said as she swung her bag over her shoulder and walked away.

No one caught Remus's longing look of anguish following her out because they were all watching her with their own confusion.

"What's gotten in to her lately?" Mary muttered looking to Brice.

The blonde shrugged as she pushed her cereal around in its bowl.

Mary shook her head and sighed. There was definitely something seriously weird going on with her friends…

When Mary found her seat beside Lily in Charms she was vaguely surprised that Brice sat on her other side rather than Lily's but the thought got pushed aside as she concentrated on Lily's stony face.

"Lil, what is wrong with you?" she asked, but Lily just continued to stare ahead instead of answering.

Mary frowned and rolled her eyes at Lily's stubborn behavior but she wasn't about to push it. Lily didn't talk unless she was ready and the more you asked the more she didn't want to answer.

Mary glanced over at Brice who was studying her quill intently and she shook her head slightly. She was beginning to wonder if she even wanted to iknow/i what was going on…

"Hey, Evans, why'd you leave breakfast?" James called as soon as he walked in the door.

Mary looked at Lily quickly just in time to see her jerk out of her trance and open her mouth to retort at James.

"James, honestly, would you leave her alone?!"

The Marauders and the girls all turned to stare at Remus.

"What's gotten into you, Moony?" Sirius asked as he took a seat beside James. Peter was ogling open mouthed at the group and his gaze kept darting back to Lily who was still sending death glares at James.

Remus sat down beside Peter and took out his book ignoring his friends.

Sirius turned to look back at the girls and he caught Mary's eye, noting she looked as bewildered as he felt. She shrugged at him to let him know she didn't know anything more than he did and he turned back around. Mary Woods had just looked at him without glaring or snapping at him, he realized suddenly. He was so enthralled in his own thoughts that he didn't even hear it when James and Remus began to bicker quietly.

He wasn't jerked out of his thoughts until he heard Lily's voice sound shrilly through the classroom.

"Just stop it already," she said looking as though she were about to cry.

Just then Professor Flitwick walked in and began the class and all personal problems were pushed aside as the class began fervently taking notes on what their professor assured them was going to be an OWL exam spell.

When class finally ended Lily was the first to leave and she dashed away leaving Mary behind feeling very bewildered as she and Brice headed for the library.

Remus slid into the bench beside Peter and began to fill his plate without looking up.

James slammed his bag down on the ground and sat across from Remus. Peter's head jerked up at the sound and he looked between the two cautiously.

Sirius sat beside James feeling strangely tense. Due to his distraction that morning he wasn't even certain what his two friends were so agitated with, but whatever it was it was something huge. Something perhaps vaguely related to Lily Evans…

James cleared his throat then and Sirius's head jerked up. Oh no, not again. He read the warning signs flashing in James's eyes and he opened his mouth to intervene just a second too late.

"Remus, what the hell was your problem this morning anyway?" James snapped. He hated being angry with Remus and that just increased his frustration.

Remus looked up to meet James's eyes slowly.

"There's no problem, James," he said quietly.

James frowned as a shimmer of guilt tugged at him briefly.

"Then what was that all about earlier?" he demanded.

Remus shrugged, but didn't answer.

Peter was looking between the two as if they were playing a very fierce tennis match before he turned to Sirius appealingly.

Sirius frowned between his two friends.

"Is this about Lily Evans?" he asked sharply and they both glanced at him.

"I don't know what this is about," James said in a meaningful tone as he glared at Remus.

Remus shrugged. "It isn't about anything," he muttered, which Sirius took to mean yes.

"What have you got to do with Evans?" he asked Remus.

Remus looked up at him with painful eyes. "Nothing, Sirius."

"Alright, then James, calm down," Sirius ordered looking intently at his best mate.

James glanced at Sirius and sighed. He wasn't sure how the hothead of the group could always manage to calm him down, but he did.

To everyone's surprise it was Peter who initiated the conversation that broke the silence by quietly suggesting that there was a full moon in just a week.

Just as they were coming out of the Great Hall, peace seemingly resettled, Sirius spotted Severus Snape and immediately a wide grin lit up his face.

"Look," he nudged James and together the two of them swaggered towards the smaller boy.

Unfortunately for him, Snape didn't look up until he had almost run into the wall Sirius and James had created.

"Look where you're going Snivellus."

"Yes, I just washed these robes."

Snape's mouth bared into a snarl as he attempted to sidestep the pair.

"Losing his nerve, is he?" James asked, nudging Sirius companionably.

"What nerve?" Sirius replied with a snicker.

Snape's wand was out and pointed at Sirius's throat in seconds at the same time James's pointed at Snape's.

Remus and Peter were standing watching, in Remus's case with great agitation as his eyes roved the hall for signs of a teacher or even worse; his girlfriend.

"I'll curse him so bad he won't move for weeks if you don't back off, Potter," Snape said, his silky voice carrying to Remus who was jarred into action by the threat.

"Immobilia," he cried moving his wand over the threesome making them freeze.

When he reached them he pushed them all apart and released them making them all tumble to the ground just as Professor Flitwick entered the hall.

"What's going on?" he squeaked looking at the three boys on the ground.

When the boys just glared at one another he snapped, "Fine, then detention all three of you."

He turned to look suspiciously at Remus and Peter but when he looked back at the other three Snape was already on his feet and James was helping Sirius to his feet, a stony expression on his face.

"I'll see the three of you in my office Thursday night," Flitwick called to Snape's retreating back.

James and Sirius glanced at one another and Remus felt a rush of guilt. He stepped towards his best friends meekly.

"I'm sorry, I should have…" he began but Sirius cut him off.

"Forget it, you had nothing to do with it."

"But, I—"

James cut him off this time as a wicked grin spread across his face. "Don't worry, detention will be much more exciting without any prefects there."

Remus knew this was the truth and that James didn't mean anything personal by it and so he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Library?" he suggested tentatively, and was relieved when everyone agreed.


	5. Chapter 5

okay! this is the second to last chapter!  
i know they're short chapters, sorry!  
anyway, i'm not getting many reviews..  
but thanks to anyone reading anyway!  
peace&love, Kas

**xxx**

Lily managed to avoid talking about the morning's events all the way through her afternoon classes. In Herbology they were required to be extremely quiet for the Slumbering Sunflowers they were planting and so she was saved and in Care of Magical Creatures, Professor Kettleburn assigned partners pairing her up with Sirius.

It was a strange feeling for Lily to be relieved to be with Sirius, but the tension that being with any other of her friends or the Marauders would have caused would have been rather too painful to imagine.

Her initial relief began to immediately ebb away as Sirius grinned at her.

"Causing drama, eh, Evans?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," she replied as her cheeks reddened.

His hand brushed her cheek as he turned to set down the bowtruckle they were to study and draw.

"So, that blush must be because I'm so incredibly good looking then, huh?"

Lily gritted her teeth, ignored the fact that her cheeks were now very likely the same color as her hair, and didn't reply as she began to sketch the creature in front of her.

Sirius managed to be silent for just about thirty seconds before the grin crept onto his face once more.

"So, what's going on with you and Remus?" he asked wiggling his eyebrows at her.

Lily glanced over at where Remus and Mary were concentrating on their bowtruckle.

She didn't answer.

"Something is going on otherwise James and Remus wouldn't be at each other's throats and Brice wouldn't keep glaring at you like that," Sirius said quietly, concentrating his deep eyes on her.

Her head jerked up in surprise as she looked around at Brice who sat beside Peter studying her bowtruckle intently.

She looked back at Sirius meeting his eyes for the first time. She wondered briefly why he acted like such an idiot when he was so obviously incredibly smart, but then her eyes were drawn back to Remus and her insides squirmed.

She had never been good at lying and Sirius's eyes focused so intently had a way of making you want to tell the truth so once again she kept her mouth shut.

When Kettleburn finally dismissed them she was once again the first to leave, and she headed up to her dormitory as quickly as she could. Guilt and confusion were churning through her leaving her feeling nauseous and utterly lost.

She cared for Remus so much and she knew he cared for her, too, but was it just too complicated to work out? Did James just make matters way too difficult? And what about Brice? Was she really upset as Sirius had said or had he been bluffing? Lily felt ashamed suddenly. She had been so wrapped up in being with Remus that she had forgotten Mary had once mentioned Brice had a crush on Remus.

Burying her face in her hands Lily sighed heavily. What was she going to do?

It was nearly one o'clock in the morning when Lily slipped out of bed and crept out of the room. She winced as the door creaked softly but moments later she was down the stairs and into the common room.

The dying fire cast the room in flickering shadows and she almost jumped in fright when one of the shadows grew on the wall and a figure emerged from the boys' dormitory staircase.

She sighed in relief when she saw it was who she had been expecting and she ran to him.

His arms came around her naturally and she buried her face in the crook where his shoulder and chest met.

Remus smiled bemusedly as his hand slid gently up and down her back. It still always surprised him to find her in his arms where he'd longed for her to be for so long.

When she didn't let go after a minute his smile faded and his hand paused on her back.

"Lil, is everything okay?" he asked.

It was a moment before she nodded into his chest.

"Are you sure?" he murmured.

She pulled back though not enough so that he took his arms away and she smiled gently. "I'm sure."

Remus smiled then. "Let's go for a walk."

Lily's face immediately filled with indecision at the thought of breaking the rules simply for a midnight stroll.

"Alright, let's go," she said finally and Remus could see that the worry hadn't quite left her eyes.

"Don't worry," he whispered softly in her ear as they walked towards the portrait hole and she managed to smile up at him.

"I'm not… too much."

He grinned at her making her smile and he happily linked their hands. How could he have been so upset about this just that morning?

They managed to make it all the way out of the castle without seeing a soul. The October air was chilly and Lily dropped Remus's hand to cross her arms across her chest and rub her hands up and down her bare arms.

"I should've grabbed my cloak," she muttered.

"Sorry," Remus said softly as he slipped his arm around her shoulders. "I'll try and keep you warm, though," he said and she smiled. His voice itself was warm and gentle and she couldn't help but feel warmed just by his presence beside her.

In unspoken agreement they walked towards the spot by the lake where they'd sat less than two weeks ago. When they reached it Remus sat and let Lily nestle into him. They sat mostly in silence as they looked out over the lake, Lily's head on his shoulder and their hands interlinked and he couldn't help but think this was exactly where he wanted to be.

It was nearly an hour later when Lily started shivering and they finally decided to return to the castle.

They were halfway back to Gryffindor Tower when they heard a noise in the next hall and Lily's hand clenched down on Remus's in fright.

Remus edged forward to peek around the corner and drew back almost immediately looking surprised.

"It's…uh… Macon and Leigh," he muttered.

"Macon and Leigh as in Head Boy and Girl Macon and Leigh?" Lily asked with wide eyes.

Remus nodded and squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"Don't worry… I think they're… occupied," he muttered as he began backtracking.

"Oh." Lily snickered then frowned as Remus tugged her along. "Where are we going?"

"Here," he replied as he tapped a portrait of a fairy with his wand. It opened silently and he climbed up into the passageway behind it, helping Lily in after him.

"What is this?" she asked and he smiled. "Passageway to Gryffindor Tower. Just don't tell James or Sirius I showed it to you."

"Oh yes, since we're best chums," she muttered dryly and he grinned.

"Just saying."

The passage was low and right over Lily's head so Remus had to duck slightly as he led the way, still holding her hand. As they climbed upward the passage began to slope out wider and by the time they reached the end they could both stand freely.

"You know," Lily said suddenly. "I think they had the right idea."

"What are you talking about?" Remus asked, completely forgetting about the scene he'd just witnessed.

Lily stopped walking and Remus turned to look at her. His eyebrows rose up in surprise at the smirk that lit up her face.

She stepped towards him as she replied, "I'm talking about this."

Her arms were around his neck and her lips were against his before he could even think about what that fiery look in her eyes had meant. She stepped closer deepening the kiss when he pulled away suddenly, barely concealing a sigh.

"What? What's wrong?" Lily asked in confusion.

Remus stared down into her huge green eyes and his stomach flip-flopped.

"Nothing. I—I just—nothing." He caught her lips in a quick kiss but he knew he'd broken the moment and when he pulled away he turned to lead them back to the common room.

They stepped into the dimly lit room just moments later and Remus's stomach twisted when he saw the confused look that still lay across Lily's delicate features.

"I'm sorry," he whispered pulling her gently into a hug.

"It's okay," she murmured back, still wondering what it had all been about anyway.

He kissed her gently on the cheek and she did the same to him before they each turned to walk to their separate staircases. They both paused at the bottom and turned to look back at one another and Lily smiled softly.

"Good night, Remus."

"Good night, Lily."

And with the soft smile still playing on her lips Lily turned and made her way back up the stairs to her room.


	6. Chapter 6

alright guys! this is it!  
please let me know what you think!  
peace&love, kas

**xxx**

Remus set his books down beside Lily's and his heart skipped a beat when she looked up at him with a brilliant smile.

"James and Sirius are in detention again tonight," he muttered looking slightly guilty.

Lily just smiled.

"Good, I get you all to myself," she said, her smile widening to a grin that had Remus smiling despite his growing feeling of betrayal.

He could have been in detention tonight, too, just as he could have been the night before, if he hadn't had such good friends. But James would never give the name of a fellow Marauder and so for the millionth time he and Sirius had taken the rap alone. And how did Remus repay this act of loyalty? He went out with the girl one of his best mates—the one who had saved his hide today to be precise—fancied.

"Remus?" said girl's soft voice broke into his thoughts. "Are you okay?"

He nodded as he stared at the wooden table.

"Remus?" came the soft voice again.

He looked up, meeting her eyes hesitantly. Those eyes. He could get lost in them for eternity and be content.

"Hm?"

"Are—are you sure you're okay?" Lily was looking worried now and he mentally scolded himself.

You didn't let James take the rap so you could come see Lily (his insides squirmed) just to make her unhappy.

"I'm fine," he said, offering her a gentle smile.

"Okay," she replied, flashing that smile again though her eyes told him she was still worrying.

They studied mostly in silence then, or at least pretended to study as Remus fought further with his guilt and Lily battled her own.

She knew him better than either of them realized and she already suspected he was thinking of James. She knew that that had been bothering him from the start. She had insisted to him that James would never know and that it didn't matter whether James fancied her or not but Remus had seemed to think otherwise.

She glanced up at his rugged yet gentle face and her eyes lingered momentarily on his lips. He had pulled away when she'd kissed him last night and she still didn't know why.

He sensed her gaze then and looked up to meet her eyes.

There was sadness in his eyes that she hadn't seen there earlier and she frowned nervously.

"Lily," his voice sounded almost strangled as her name came out in nearly a whisper.

"Yeah?" she said, swallowing as she studied the look on his face.

"Do you… wanna go for a walk?"

Okay, well, she hadn't expected that one, but okay…

"Sure."

"Okay," Remus replied as his gaze dropped once more and he began packing his books back into his bag.

Lily followed suit and soon they were walking side by side down the hall outside the library.

"Lily, I, I need to talk to you," Remus said sounding unusually un-composed.

She found this request strange as they were walking together and he could say anything he wanted anyway. Nonetheless she quietly said, "Okay."

Then suddenly Remus stopped walking.

Lily stopped as well and turned to face him. She could see the agitation clear in his face and a sick feeling settled into the pit of her stomach.

"Lily, I can't do this anymore."

Lily's gaze immediately dropped to the floor as her stomach clenched.

Remus continued, sounding rather uncomfortable.

"It's just.. every time I touch you or even look at you.. all I can see is James."

"What?" Lily said, her head snapping back up to look at him.

"Oh," he muttered blushing and a hint of a mischievous smirk crossed Lily's face as he realized how he had just sounded.

"You know what I meant," he muttered sounding embarrassed.

As much as Lily wanted to laugh and tease him by saying she didn't, she didn't have the heart to do so. At least not while he was…

Remus continued before she could finish that thought.

"Lily this has nothing to do with you," he said sounding desperate for her to understand.

She looked up at him and raised her eyebrows.

"Okay. Fine, it has everything to do with you. I don't know how to explain it… it's just… James."

Lily snorted though the look on Remus's face kept her from saying anything.

Remus began again, softer this time.

"I know you don't see it, but after all James has done for me it feels like a betrayal of our friendship to pursue the girl he fancies, behind—behind his back."

Lily didn't need to be able to see the internal conflict on his face to know he meant every word he said. She had never heard his voice so full of emotion and it startled her enough to make her believe.

Looking up into his golden eyes she didn't even know what to say.

Slowly his hand came to rest on her cheek.

"You're still the most beautiful girl I've ever seen," he said softly and the emotion in his voice nearly broke her heart.

"Can you do one last thing for me?" she said finally.

"Anything."

And he let her gently pull his head down to hers as their lips met a final time.

Lily's hand found his and she squeezed it gently as she pulled away.

Just then they heard voices from around the corner and Remus started guiltily as he recognized them.

Lily recognized them too, a split second later, and quickly dropped his hand.

They glanced at one another and quickly began walking again just as James and Sirius came around the corner laughing loudly.

James immediately recognized the long red braid and his gaze switched from her to the boy walking beside her.

"Oy, Moony," Sirius shouted before James could give the situation a second thought.

He and Sirius caught up to the pair quickly and he wasted no time asking what they were doing.

"We were just…" Remus swallowed uncomfortably but Lily jumped in quickly.

"Coming back from the library."

"So," Sirius began, oblivious to the strange looks James was sending Remus. "You'll never guess what Minnie made us do for detention."

"Hm?" Remus said with what Lily thought was a poorly disguised lack of interest.

"Write up a strategy for next Saturday's match against Slytherin," he said laughing.

James grinned at the memory as well and Lily watched sidelong as Remus tossed a grin out as well though it didn't meet his eyes.

James seemed to be thinking the same as he studied Remus for a moment.

"What's up Moony?"

"Nothing," Remus replied glancing at James only to see him shooting a curious look at Lily.

He, too, looked over at the redhead who looked as though she was trying to become invisible.

James immediately adopted the cheeky grin that Lily always seemed to inspire as he shifted over next to her and draped his arm around her shoulders.

"So, Evans, are you going to come root me on at Saturday's match?"

Lily shot him a look of disgust as she nimbly shrugged off his arm and quickened her pace slightly. Her heart was still beating unevenly from what had transpired just moments before and she could hardly spare the energy to send James a disdainful look.

"I'll be there supporting the team with the rest of the Gryffindors," she replied without bothering to look at him.

Hardly deterred James matched her new quicker pace as he continued.

"What do you say to… if I win the game you'll go out with me?"

"Mm, no," Lily stated.

"What if I score 100 points?" James asked.

"No," Lily said, annoyance creeping into her voice.

"200?"

Lily sighed.

"What if…"

"What if you stop asking questions you already know the answer to," she snapped.

"Cornish pixies," she added to the Fat Lady causing the portrait to swing open promptly, allowing her to make her escape.

James sighed as he climbed through the portrait hole.

"Honestly, you'd think she fancied some other bloke the way she denies me," he muttered.

Remus's stomach clenched uncomfortably.

"You know, James, you're not the only male at Hogwarts," he said quietly.

James frowned. "But I just know she loves me. All the other girls do."

Remus sighed. He couldn't even muster the energy to think up some sort of half rational response to that. Instead he climbed the stairs to the boys' dormitory and tried to ignore his breaking heart.

The moment Lily entered her dormitory she knew something was up by the way her two best friends and dorm mates looked up almost guiltily from where they sat on Brice's bed.

"Hey, where've you been?" Brice asked and Lily noted that she had always been the one to master the casual tone when she really meant something else.

"In the library," she replied simply, dropping her bag onto her bed.

"With who?"

"Myself?"

"Alone?" It was Mary speaking now and Lily got the distinct impression they were cornering her.

"No, with Remus," she replied looking between the two of them.

She sat down on the edge of her own bed as she watched them watching her.

"Why are you guys looking at me like that?" she asked with a frown knowing exactly why they were looking at her the way they were.

"Lily," Brice began, but she faltered and Mary took over instantly.

"What's between you and Remus Lupin?"

"A thick wall I'm assuming," Lily replied in a dry voice as she glanced over her friends' heads to the wall that backed up to the guys' dormitory.

"Cute, Lily," Mary remarked with a sardonic smile.

Lily smiled weakly, but Brice ignored them both as she focused on Lily's eyes.

"Are you dating Remus?"

Lily resisted from sighing, as she replied honestly and simply, "No."

She saw Brice's suspicious look and she almost wished there was still a reason for the suspicion.

"I promise, I'm not dating Remus Lupin." She said and saying the words seemed to make the reality of what had just happened truly sink in.

"And now, if you're done questioning me, officers, I'd like to go to bed."

Turning away she grabbed her pajamas and headed into the adjoining bathroom locking the door behind her.

The tears came even before she could turn the shower on though she did so quickly so the girls couldn't hear her crying.

She had dated Remus for hardly two weeks but breaking up with him hurt much worse than it ever had with any other guy before.

The tears had finally stopped by the time she turned off the water and she was grateful that when she exited the bathroom, red faced and bright eyed moments later, that both of her friends' hangings were pulled shut.

She crawled into bed and buried herself beneath the covers so she could finally sigh. She'd liked Remus for so long and now it was over. Two short weeks and it was over. And all because of James freakin Potter.

Lily sighed again. She wanted so much to be mad at James for being the reason but she couldn't quite bring herself to blame him. She loved Remus, but her mum had always said all things happened for a reason and maybe there was a reason why she couldn't be with Remus… She had no clue what that reason might be… but with this slightly reassuring thought in mind, she drifted off to sleep.

_Finite._


End file.
